


It's okay to not be okay

by somebodysomeplace1



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:41:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26040559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/somebodysomeplace1/pseuds/somebodysomeplace1
Summary: Every “daddy can you help me?” that Chris says, makes Eddie feel loved; as though he is doing a good job. Other times however, it worries him, that maybe he is not doing everything correct. Buck is there to assure him.
Relationships: Christopher Diaz & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 110





	It's okay to not be okay

If you had to ask Christopher about his dad, he would say that he is the best dad in the whole entire world. That he is caring, loving and the most amazing person ever. To Eddie, it means so much that his son thinks so highly of him- like he is his entire world.

Him and Christopher have been through a lot. Ranging from Shannon passing away to him leaving when he was young- it’s a handful to take in when you are at such a young age, but Chris still loves him and Eddie loves him more.

Growing up, Eddie’s dad was busy too. He would usually be with his mom or abuela by their side. When Chris came along, he didn’t have that much time to prepare. Him and Shannon were still young and he didn’t know that much about being a father. So sometimes he doubts his ability to be one.

Every “daddy can you help me?” that Chris says, makes him feel loved; as though he is doing a good job. Other times however- like today when he doesn’t want to get ready for school- it worries him, that maybe he is not doing everything correct.

“You have to get up for school buddy.” Eddie says as he pulls the covers off over Christopher’s head- revealing his curly bed head- trying to get him up for the fifth time this morning.

“I don’t wanna go.” Christopher whines

Eddie rolls his eyes at him- smiling down at Christopher still in bed. “You have to. I have work today.” which is true, and will be running late for if Chris doesn’t get up soon.

“No.” he pouts “When Danny and Kate don’t want to go to school they don’t have to.” he finishes; which earns him a confused look on his face from Eddie.

“Do your friends have me as a dad.”

Chris shakes his head no- looking down at his fingers in his lap.

“Exactly.” Eddie starts as he checks the time on his watch “Which means that I am your dad and when I tell you that you have to do something, you do.” he assures him

Christopher gets up from his position on his bed- turning to grab his crutches by the bed- and starts to head out the door to brush his teeth.

“I don’t wanna go.” he mumbles, walking in the bathroom.

“And I told you that-”

“I know.” Christopher interrupts, sighing “That you are my dad. I wish that you would just let me do what I want for once.” he says under his breath

Eddie furrows his eyebrow as he enters the bathroom behind him. “What do you mean “for once”” he asked confused really wanting to know the answer. But after Christopher answers, he really wish he hadn’t.

“You never spend time with me anymore. We never get to do what I want.” he says not bothering to look up. Eddie’s eyes start to well up and he can’t think of much to say.

“Hurry up, okay. Don’t wanna be late for school.” he half smiles and goes to get ready himself.

-

Most of Eddie’s shift he has been on calls- pile ups, drowning accident that was successful and a minor fire. But when they have the time to rest for a little while, it’s filled with Christopher’s words. Eddie thought that this whole time Chris was fine with how things were going. He has never once complained about doing things that he didn’t like, he just did it- it’s that type of person Chris is. It hurts coming from your own son that you don’t spend time with them.

The team is eating lunch that Bobby has made for them in the kitchen. Although everyone around him is starving, he has barely touched anything on his plate.

“Can I excuse myself please?” he says already getting up from the table.

“Yeah sure.” Bobby replies “Are you okay?”

“Yeah I’m fine.” he says, but it’s a lie.

He decides that it would be best to go and hide out in the locker room until the next call- not much come here when they have down time.

“Are you alright?” Bucks says as he comes to sit down at the bench beside Eddie- shoulder to shoulder “You never leave like that.”

Eddie looks down at his fingers ,picking at them to avoid eye contact- trying to hide the tears in his eyes.

“I’m fine, really.”

Buck moves closer to him- as if that was even possible- and places a firm arm around his shoulders. “What happened?” he presses

Eddie shakes his head at himself.

“It’s stupid.” he laughs

“It’s not stupid if it made you leave distracted.” Buck continues

Eddie tilts his head up to the ceiling- trying to keep the tears in.

“Christopher, he said that we barely spend time together. That he never gets to do want he wants.” he starts “I guess it’s because of my job that we never get to spend time together, I-”

It goes silent.

Eddie can feel Buck’s eyes on him, waiting for him to continue.

“It makes me think that maybe we don’t spend that much time together. That maybe I’m not a good dad-”

Buck places his hand on Eddie’s chin, turning it to look at him. “Eddie, you are a great father. You and Christopher have such a great bond. Don’t ever say that. You are a great dad. Anyone would be lucky to have you and Chris agrees.”

If Eddie wasn’t crying before, he definitely is now.

Buck brings his hand up to his face, starting to wipe away the fallen tears now on Eddie’s cheeks.

“This is so embarrassing.” he says barely above a whisper

“What is?” Buck questions

“This.” Eddie gestures around them vaguely “You’re just sitting here watching me cry about my son. It’s embarrassing.” he laughs

“It’s normal to cry. What’s not okay is bottling up you’re emotions.” Buck moves so that Eddie is looking him in he eyes “Eddie. I’m always here. You can talk to me, okay?”

“Thank you.” he says, and he means it.

-

When Eddie gets home after his shift it’s already quarter to ten. So he goes to tuck Chris in bed after Carla fed him dinner.

“I’m sorry.”

Eddie looks up from his seated position on the edge of his bed. “What for?”

“When I said that we barely spend time together.” Christopher starts “I know that you have a busy job, I was just mad that I had to go to school.”

Eddie shifts from his spot on the bed to be beside him.

“It’s okay.” he says as his eyes trail over to the clock on the wall “We’ll talk about this tomorrow. How about over some pancakes?”

Christopher’s eyes widen. “Is Buck coming to cook them?”

“Yeah sure, I can ask, but no guarantees alright.” Eddie tells him as he gets up and places a kiss to his temple.

“I love you.”

“I love you too dad.”

As Eddie is leaving his room, he gets an incoming text.

Buck: How’d it go?

Eddie: Good actually.

Buck: That’s very good, I’m proud of you.

Eddie: Thank you.

Eddie: Wait, are you busy tomorrow. I could use a favor?

Eddie is a great father. If you were to ask anyone around him they would say that he is. But what is most important to him is that he is the best father to Chris- and he is.


End file.
